The Ultimate List of Funny Jesus Quotes to Brighten Your Day
7 min readJan 29, 2024
Jesus is the Son of God and a human being who experienced joy, sorrow, anger, and laughter. He had a sense of humor that often surprised and delighted his followers. He used jokes, parables, and irony to teach, challenge, and comfort them.
This article will explore some of the funniest quotes from Jesus and about Jesus. These quotes come from various sources, such as the Bible, Christian leaders and authors, and pop culture and media. They will show you different aspects of Jesus’ personality and message, hopefully making you smile and laugh.
Reading funny Jesus quotes can brighten your day and lift your spirits. It can also help you appreciate the humor and wisdom of Jesus and his followers. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ultimate list of funny Jesus quotes.
Funny Jesus quotes from the Bible.
- “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” — Matthew 7:3
- “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone rich to enter the kingdom of God.” — Matthew 19:24
- “You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” — Matthew 23:24
- “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?” — Matthew 7:9
- “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and to God the things that are God’s.” — Matthew 22:21
- “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” — Mark 2:17
- “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.” — Luke 6:20–24
- “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.” — Matthew 6:28
- “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” — Matthew 5:39
- “You must be born again.” — John 3:7
- “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” — Luke 9:58
- “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” — Matthew 7:15
- “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.” — Matthew 17:20
- “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” — Mark 2:27
- “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your eye?” — Matthew 7:3
- “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” — Matthew 19:14
- “But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” — Matthew 19:30
- “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” — Matthew 18:3
- “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” — Mark 2:17
- “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” — Mark 10:45
- “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” — Matthew 6:27
- “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” — Luke 6:27
- “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” — Matthew 5:44
- “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” — Matthew 23:12
- “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” — Matthew 7:1
- “Why do you call me good? No one is good — except God alone.” — Mark 10:18
- “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” — John 8:7
- “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” — Mark 2:17
- “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.” — Mark 10:21
- “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.” — Matthew 19:21
Funny Jesus Quotes from Christian Leaders and Authors
- “I’m not sure Jesus can use us if our lips are permanently pursed.” — Bob Goff
- “Jesus didn’t promise to change the circumstances around us. He promised great peace and pure joy to those who would learn to believe that God controls all things.” — Corrie Ten Boom
- “If Jesus rose from the dead, then you have to accept all that he said; if he didn’t rise from the dead, then why worry about any of what he said? The issue on which everything hangs is not whether or not you like his teaching but whether or not he rose from the dead.” — Timothy Keller
- “Jesus Christ never failed me yet. Trust Him, brother, trust Him.” — Hudson Taylor.
- “If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased.” — C.S. Lewis.
- “Jesus came into the world not to make bad people good, but to make dead people alive.” — Ravi Zacharias.
- “We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.” — Jonathan Swift.
- “Jesus is ideal and wonderful, but you Christians — you are not like him.” — Mahatma Gandhi.
- “God proved his love on the Cross. When Christ hung and bled and died, it was God saying to the world, ‘I love you.’” — Billy Graham
- “The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.” — C.S. Lewis.
- “Crucified People are supposed to die. If you come down alive, you’re in business.” — Tony Campolo.
- “Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words.” — St. Francis of Assisi.
- “There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects children’s infernal demand for revenge on the adult world.” — Jean Baudrillard.
- “Jesus said to love one another. He didn’t say love the whole world.” — Mother Teresa.
- “Never forget that the joy of the Lord is your strength.” — Mother Angelica.
- “Life is wasted if we do not grasp the glory of the Cross, cherish it for the treasure that it is, and cleave to it as the highest price of every pleasure and the deepest comfort in every pain. What was once foolishness to us — a crucified God — must become our wisdom, power, and only boast in this world.” — John Piper.
- “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” — Mother Teresa.
- “The Bible shows the way to go to heaven, not the way the heavens go.” — Galileo Galilei.
- “We must alter our lives to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another.” — William Law.
- “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” — Peter Marshall.
- “The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me,’ or ‘Help me.’” — Billy Graham
- “To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.” — Martin Luther.
- “Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.” — Elisabeth Elliot
- “We never grow closer to God when we just live life. It takes deliberate pursuit and attentiveness.” — Francis Chan
- “The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.” — Bernard of Clairvaux
- “The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can’t supply is proof that Heaven must be our home.” — C.S. Lewis
- “The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me,’ or ‘Help me.’” — Billy Graham
- “I’m just a nobody, trying to tell everybody all about Somebody who saved my soul.” — Matthew West
- “It is not the strength of your faith but the object of your faith that saves you.” — Timothy Keller
- “Don’t shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him.” — C.S. Lewis
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