7 ways to have fun with the family at Christmas

Many of us will be spending Christmas with family this year. Some of us are wildly excited at the prospect, some ambivalent and some will be dreading it. In the days after the event thousands of people will be having tense discussions with their partner, stuck on various motorways around the country, about how next year they will be spending Christmas at home with the curtains closed and the door locked, and definitely not seeing family.

But it needn’t be like this, in fact when asked about fun in childhood, most adults talk about family as the most significant factor in their having fun. So here are seven sure fire ways to ensure fun festivities with the family.

Fun is social, families are social. Families are tight-knit units where members are assumed to have a good time with one another. However, they are full of “characters” who know each other well – and often familiarity breeds contempt. But rather than getting annoyed at the foibles of family members, revel in them. Enjoy the bizarre interactions. You can make a game of such idiosyncrasies by playing “family eccentricities bingo”, where a bingo card listing things that people always say or do is given out to everyone on Christmas Eve. The objective is to fill the card by Boxing Day. The winner gets to choose the route of the ever-popular Boxing Day “bracing walk”.

Fun is often vicarious. Much of the fun we have is when others are having fun. This is never more evident than at Christmas, where the fun can deteriorate as the day wears on – particularly when the kids have been up since 3.30am. To avoid this, make sure you pay attention to the fun of others. That can be in ensuring that everyone is happy or content. They needn’t necessarily be having fun, but you will be.

Fun and funny aren’t the same thing. When Christmas is going well, the house is full of laughter. However, fun and funny are different things. Be careful that laughter is not directed towards one or two people consistently. Fun happens when people feel part of a group, and laughter can be a means of exclusion, even if it is not intended to be. This means paying attention to what we say and how we say it – and this needs care and a certain degree of management.

Fun is contextual. Think in advance of the situations in which your family tends to have fun. It is tempting to suggest things to do at Christmas because they always happen – but if nobody really enjoys a “nice board game”, why insist everyone play one? You can be imaginative about the ways in which some things your family do well can be accentuated. If you are in a family of show-offs, do things that allow people to show off. If your family is less gregarious, think how individual family members can feel included, but the key is that things are done together.

Much fun is had through repetition. For many of us, tradition plays a significant role at Christmas – particularly important for children. Make the most of your family traditions – perhaps invent new ones. Talking about the past is often fun and there are family stories that get told and retold. Make sure you make time for conversations about Christmases past – the children love hearing about their family in bygone years and older family members will love telling you all about it … again.

… but be relaxed about spontaneity. Many people find fun takes them by surprise and being spontaneous is important. This does not sit comfortably with many of our experiences of the festive season. Christmases are often planned with military precision, but it can be liberating to imagine that not all of the plans need happen if something else fun is going on. Treat the plans as a guide that will be partially met. As long as everyone is having fun, the overall objective is met. Mission accomplished.

Turn off the screens. Other people are at the heart of our fun. At Christmas the temptation is to concentrate on the material stuff – presents – and increasingly this means screens. However, the Christmases we remember fondly are full of happy times talking and laughing with those close to us.